Monday, 24 October 2016

Hi Honey, I'm Home

I have been wondering a lot about this post, what to call it? whether to make? indeed whether to continue (or should that be return to?) with the Blog at all?   It is quite a long time since I made any substantial posts and although I have been missing Blogging, and the friends I have made through Paula's Place I have been struggling with both time and enthusiasm.   I see that it is five weeks since my last post, and I know that at that point I had every intention of carrying on.

Well I do have an idea for a series of posts, and there are many thoughts and observations I want to share with you all so I think I shall be continuing, I just hope that my meanderings will be sufficiently interesting to reclaim my readers, and maybe even attract a few new ones.

So why the hiatus? As I have mentioned before lots of things became rather an effort this summer.   I am now convinced that much of this is down to the changes that hormone treatment is having on my body.   I also suspect that the whole thing around moving had an impact.   It came as a big surprise the other day when it was pointed out to me that I have been in my new flat for a whole year now.   After an initial flurry of activity I find I have done very little to make my life more comfortable or the flat reflect my personality more.   Sure when  moved in I used all of my money just to get in, and the Spring, Summer and Autumn are the busy time of my year with only winter allowing me more time, but I could have done a lot more, I just, sort of, got used to things.

So basically I'm saying that a combination of tiredness, lethargy, inertia and other commitments have stopped me doing much.   But on the other hand there is a lot I have done.   Including getting the closest to a secure financial position I have been in for years!    I have a holiday booked (my first since one week in November 2014) and am planning another for next spring, I have a little money due to me and I will be assigning some of that to getting the flat in order.

So for now I will simply say watch this space, I don't promise anything beyond the ramblings of a slightly odd middle aged woman living on her own, but that in itself is quite a change from where I started!

Tuesday, 13 September 2016

Done in!

Ingmar Bergman famously said "I usually say I left Puberty at 58" I'm a little different, I seem to be starting it (again) at 58!

As somebody who is constantly complaining about being too busy  I was interested to start listening to a short series of radio programs on the subject. Good old BBC Radio 4 is doing a week long piece by Oliver Blakeman, Have a listen here!  A lot of his premise seems to be that being too busy is the result of our own choices, often bad choices.   One comment that leapt out at me was the one that opines when we are too busy we make poor decisions which often result in us getting even more busy.   I have certainly been guilty of this over the last year.

However I am increasingly suspecting that it is not that I am too busy as much as that I'm too weary.   I have not had a planned break since October 2014 and I find that it is increasingly difficult to get going in the morning, as well as not being able to keep going with as much enthusiasm in the evenings. I am feeling rather run down, tired and a generally a bit done in.    I know it has been a long summer, I know it is a long time since I had a proper break, I know I have missed out on a lot of weekends this year, one way and another, yet I still can't help feeling as though I should have a bit more zip than I can muster at the moment.

This all forces me to wonder if maybe there is another factor.   It has definitely been worse since I started on hormone therapy, but if this is a side effect I am sufficiently happy with the other developments that I will learn to put up with it.   Of course there is also always the whole possibility that once my system gets used to it I will settle down to usual levels of lethargy.

It's rather odd going through puberty at 58

Sunday, 21 August 2016

More of that Stuff

Life can get pretty hectic at times and mine has been over the last
few weeks, there are all sorts of things that have been going on, one of
them will be more obvious to anyone watching BBC4 on August the 30th at 9:00 pm

Mind you there have been other things going on, last night I finally
managed to go swimming, I have been promising myself, and the other
members of TAGS that I would get out and wet for ages; it was such a
relief to get down to Lewisham and join the boys and girls for a swim.  
i am pretty active, and that keeps my muscular skeletal health fairly
good, but I do very little that challenges my heart/ling fitness so
swimming is very good for me, as well as being fun.

course for many people the Olympics have been a major distraction, but I
can't really claim that as much of an excuse since I am not very
interested in most of the sports that are included. having Rugby sevens
helped this time, but until they include motor sport and cricket I'm
unlikely to be too interested.

Saturday, 20 August 2016

Life, and all that stuff

I drink red wine and eat choclate.

I don't get migrains

I get fat and drunk

It's a funny old life.

Friday, 5 August 2016

21st Century Problems

A while back I mentioned that I had decided to join the 21st Century and get a "Smart phone" well I managed that OK a couple of months back. I am still getting used to it especially the touch screen, it feels as though I am as likely to disconnect a call as answer it, mind you I get the distinct impression that the last thing a lot of people use their mobile device for is talking to people.  Certainly most of my communication with my daughter seems to be by text message.

I have worked out that customising your phone is meant to be a good thing, I have even managed to use a few Apps, however much I dislike the term, I will admit that I do particularly like the cover I bought on E-Bay. I suspect that one of the reasons I like it so much is that it matches the desktop on my computer.

I have had the phone a few months yet there still seems to be so much that I still can't do, I think I need a lesson from a 14 year old!   Even though it has only been a short time and I haven't got much on it I still find myself agreeing with Rat

Friday, 29 July 2016

Quote of the Day

Brevity is the soul of lingerie

Dorothy Parker 1891 - 1967
American poet and screenwriter

I decided that I was better off not providing an illustration, especially if it involved me! One issue with lingerie for girls like me is that much of the prettiest, briefest and most sensual lingerie is simply not practical, if only for reasons of support and (ahem) containment.

Maybe this is a sign that I'm growing up.

Thursday, 28 July 2016


So far I managed to forget my jacket, forget my paperwork, forget that I don't like discos, and maybe forget my dignity, a little.   So what was Sunday going to bring?

Opening my case and checking the few clothes I brought (I had packed so many shoes there wasn't a lot of room for clothes) I find not a single pair of trousers, just "party wear" and just a single light weight cotton skirt that I had worn on the Saturday.   I had my black LGSO tee shirt which would have been fine, with a pair of jeans or a denim skirt, if I had managed to pack either.   What I did have were a couple of pairs of shorts, one pair black, one pair white.

Forgotten something? like a skirt maybe?
After consulting my style counsellor I ended up with the black shorts a chiffon top and some stripped tights.   Totally inappropriate for day wear, definitely not suitable for Tescos, but then as Rachel pointed out, we were in Brighton.

Apart from Breakfast our only planed event was a Barbecue at the Marlborough.   When we got there we found there had been a bit of a breakdown on the communications front, and that there was no barbecue, but as we had made a good breakfast we were happy to sit out in the sun and enjoy a few beers.

I love these tights, and I am wearing shorts!
Once again it was nice to meet up with some old friends and share a glass or two with my friends.  With the planed Picnic on the Beach having had to be cancelled over the last couple of years due to rain at some point it was decided that this year it would instead be a Barbecue at the Pub, and that was published on the website. Published but not organised.   It was only later that I discovered that some people actually managed a barbecue on the beach.   That might have been fun, but Brighton Beach in those shoes!

I was so glad that I wasn't the one driving, as the combination of sun and beer had their usual effect.   I was delivered home, tired, but happy. After the inevitable snooze on the sofa, I thought I had better stir myself and get some bread and milk in for the morning, but looking in the mirror I thought better of it, I either had to get changed or wait till the morning, I decided to wait.

Wednesday, 27 July 2016


Saturday dawned bright and early, since it didn't have a choice, those of us who did have a choice may not have been quite so bright or quite so early.   Although of course some were earlier than others.   After an excellent breakfast courtesy of the Travel Lodge buffet we made our way over to the park to set up the TransPALS stall before getting back to the Marlborough for the start of the March.

Before setting off we were reminded by the wonderful Sarah Savage that this was a Protest March, not a Parade.   I think I may have already made my feelings on this clear, but it does need to be said we still have things to protest about ~ and there were plenty of us there to do it. Despite reports saying that hundreds turned up estimates show that between 1,500 and 2,000 were on the march and that there were over 4,000 distinct visitors to the event in Brunswick Gardens.

There are some things I'm still undecided about though, like, do we really want to be associated with any and every group who feels oppressed? should Stonewall be the prime mover and spokes people for us when until recently they refused to include us?

With my new friend
Still I had a lot of good, interesting conversations with loads of people who came to our stall to chat with the "Booth Babes" it was good to meet friends, old and new, and to promote our organisation. We quickly came up with the description of "Mutual Social Self Support" which I think is the best way I have yet found of justifying meeting friends in a pub and drinking wine.

After the main event, a few of us went for a very pleasant dinner together at the Cafe Rouge before going to the party at Envy.   I quickly realised that this party was just too loud for me so along with my roomy made a strategic withdrawal.   We arrived back at our Hotel at the same time as one of the many hen parties staying there.   The Bride decided that I was a candidate for joining her party....................

Tuesday, 26 July 2016


The outfit I ended up with
I ended up being in quite a rush on Friday, as on Thursday evening I had to prepare my van for it's MOT and then get along to a local Pub to meet my wife and hear my daughter at an Open Mic. My daughter sang three numbers, two of her own and one of Amy Winehouse's.   It was a very pleasant evening, enjoying some good music and each other's company.   So come Friday morning I was a lot less prepared for my weekend away than I had hoped, so after washing up and sorting out my laundry I threw a few things into a case and got myself ready.

I had more or less decided that it was time I grew up a bit and wore something sensible, I have a black red and light tan maxi dress which is nice and light weight, soft and floaty.   I have been waiting for an opportunity to wear it and thought that this was it.   I assembled all my bits and pieces, put on my shoes put on the dress and did my make-up, it was only after I had put on the make-up that I checked myself in the mirror and realised that the dress had a split all up the front.   I bought the dress from Avon last year and this was only the second time I had even put it on.   I suspect that the problem is not the stitching but that the turn over is simply inadequate.

Dinner, there was food as well!
My good friend and room mate for the weekend turned up at just about that moment, so I quickly popped on the only other dress I have that would go easily with my make-up and everything else I was wearing, maybe it is a little less modest, but hey! we were going to Brighton!

The journey was pretty uneventful, just the way I like them, and we arrived in time to relax a little a settle into our room before our other friends turned up and we could sort out what we were doing for dinner, before meeting more friends at a local hostelry.

This was the start of a theme for the weekend, realising the things I had forgotten to pack, it was only as we were going out for the evening that I realised I had totally forgotten any type of jacket, cardigan, or umbrella, fortunately the weather stayed warm and dry, so I managed to avoid frostbite!

Monday, 25 July 2016


Over the weekend I attended Trans Pride in Brighton.   This is not one of those massive festivals like Pride London, Brighton where every body seems to join in the fun and celebrations, where the whole thing takes on the feeling of a festival, losing the campaigning, political centre that originally drove Pride.   Trans Pride is much smaller, around 1,500 on the march this year, without the corporate presence and noise, but retaining the campaigning and protest, and until Trans people have true equality then I expect it will continue to.

I'm under one of those flags somewhere, photo credit to me wife!
Of course we also had a great deal of fun, I stayed in Brighton for the whole weekend as I was staffing the TransPALS stall at the main event in the park.   This gave me the chance to go out and meet up with some old friends on the Friday evening, and the Sunday lunch time as well as a bit of a party on Saturday night.

Booth Babes at Brighton
I'm afraid that I am simply too old for the Saturday night disco these days, too loud, too expensive, too late.   There were quite a few events that we managed to miss, next year I hope to be part of some of them, yes I'm already planing next year's presence.   After all until we have equal access to all health care, practical equality in the workplace, the right to self assert our gender and are treated with equality by Police and other in positions of authority we need to protest.   After all as I said at the beginning this is still a political event, it is a march not a parade.