Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Sunday 16 September 2012

Who am I (ooh ooh)

There is a blog I read that I do not feature, it has what is politely known as "Adult Content" and as I made a decision right at the beginning of Paula's Place that this would be "safe" place, so if a civilian did happen to wander in by mistake they would not be disgusted or given a mistaken view that what we do is all about sex.   In fairness a lot of what Jamie has said has been interesting, stimulating or just plan entertaining, it's just that how she says it is often not suitable for minors.

Well it seems that Jamie has gone through something of an epiphany, and has made a few changes to her blog and some even bigger ones to her lifestyle, the reason why I am writing about all this now is her realisation and acceptance that she is a totally different person to him.   This is something I have been suspecting for a long time, in my own mind I am sure that she is quite a different person to him, and definitely that Paula is not just him in a dress.   She has her own tastes, her own personality which feels different, it is not just the wrapper that is different, I am quite sure that the filling is different as well.

I know that some will say that they are "a woman trapped in a man's body", others that it is "just about the clothes"  I often hear something like "letting my inner girl out" or "expressing my feminine side" the more I do this the more I find two things,
  • It becomes harder to put her back in the closet
  • That I am two different people, certainly we share much, but there is a different personality that comes out when I dress.
I don't fully understand this yet and indeed I'm not sure that I ever will, but I do know that unlike Jamie I am not unhappy being a man, as long as I can also be a woman.   I still like being a man, a husband and a father, I like the physicality of my strength, of my work; I like to feel safe, to be able to walk into a pub on my own, and then afterwards walk home on my own.   However I also enjoy the the feelings of sensuality and vulnerability of grace and beauty and wanting to be taken care of however I don't think that in any way this is a weakness a submission or indeed a demeaning.

I want to thank Jamie and Janie for talking about this on their blogs, sometimes what others are going through, and thinking about themselves helps us to clarify our own situations.   Maybe that in itself is a good enough reason to Blog.

3 comments:

Bunny said...

"I don't fully understand this yet and indeed I'm not sure that I ever will, but I do know that unlike Jamie I am not unhappy being a man, as long as I can also be a woman."

It's because if you are happy being a man, then there's NO WAY you are a woman.

Now do you get it? Probably not. But then neither do the rest of the transvestites, er, I'm sorry, I mean "crossdressers."

Paula said...

Your premise is that we are either a woman or a man, in direct contrast to Janie who's premise is that we can be both. I don't fully understand yet which of the mes is the authentic one, or whether both are. I know that because of my family position I shall not be abandoning Him, and that I am totally incapable of abandoning Her (I know I have tried!)
You also open that other can of worms as to what we call ourselves, I think we are far too prissy about this, the trouble with any term is that none of us feel that they fully match how we feel, but lets face it transvestite and crossdresser mean exactly the same thing, I think there may well be more on both of these issues coming

LL Cool Joe said...

I can't relate to this post I'm afraid, but I'm happy to read your feelings about the subject. I've never felt like two different people, only one. I never understood why I was born with female parts, they are alien to me, because to me I'm a man. However I dress, whatever my body, voice, even those damn hormones that pump around my body say.. I'm still a man. Anything female about me repulses me. I was never happy being a woman.

But I think I can understand how you feel about yourself.