The Only One

Yesterday ended up being a frantic ~ so no real change there then.   I had hoped to get a bit of remunerative work done in the morning, but by the time I had visited the dump with all the waste from the roof we've been working on and sorted the van out it was time to go and measure up for a deck.   Of course the customer did not really know what they want so it ended up more as a design consultancy session, by the time I got home it was too late to go to a customer so I did a little work in my own garden!   Not much just a little weeding planted out my celery and fed the tomatoes, beans and other veg.   There is still lots to do, but it is beginning to look a little more like my garden again now.

My time management being what it is I spent too much time in the garden and cleaning the van and had no time to eat before having a quick shower and getting changed for the evening performance.   Somehow I managed to get my hands clean and got changed.   After my shower I was feeling quite fem, so remembering that I was meant to wear all black, rather than just an ordinary black shirt I wore a nice satin shirt blouse I have, the buttons are concealed (same as on a dress shirt) with long cuffs with three satin covered buttons on each along with my black moleskin side fastening trousers, I felt good and think I looked good.

When I got to the concert all the men were wearing dinner jackets with white shirts and all but two of the ladies were wearing black bottoms and white tops ~ ARGHHHH.   I'm, glad I had the conductors text with me to show why I was wearing all black.   Of course this also drew more attention to what I was wearing than would normally happen, but if anyone noticed anything I only had one comment;
"That's a girls blouse"
"Yes"
"But it's a girls blouse"
"Yes, but it is black"

After the concert we went for a couple of pints at "The Grape" where they had a good little band playing as part of the Crystal Palace Festival.   I always seem to miss this and be playing somewhere else when this is happening right on my doorstep.

When I got home I found my wife in bed and my daughter asleep on the sofa, so a quick sausage sandwich in the kitchen and bed. ~ Now to start getting ready for today's concert.

Slips

No I don't mean underskirts, I worry about slipping up, making a mistake especially when it comes to getting everything right for a performance.    I have nightmares about arriving at the wrong venue (it has happened on one occasion I arrived at the Roman Catholic Southwark Cathedral instead of the Anglican one), or with the wrong clothes (again it happens white shirt instead of black etc.) so I like to make sure I avoid these sort of slips.

As I said earlier, tomorrow I have agreed to play in a concert with a local band that I am not a member of but am a good friend to.   Just to make sure that I had all the details correct I sent a text message to the conductor.

"OK for Sat. please confirm time venue and dress"
The reply;~
"7pm St. Paul's Church.  Black dress for you"
Does he know something he shouldn't? as he often wears a kilt as formal wear I replied
"Are you suggesting I wear a dress to distract the audience from you wearing a skirt?"

Having said all that I do have night mares, real night mares about getting on stage and not having my music, sometimes I wake up in near panic about a concert that isn't even real, but where I found myself on the stage all dressed up with my instrument and ready to play a solo but with no music so unable to perform.

There should be none of these problems on Sunday, I will be wearing an LBD and my music is in the trombone case!   If you haven't bought your tickets yet get them here.

Every Silver Lining has a Cloud

At the moment things are a little difficult in the Gee household, I seem to be working all daylight hours getting home eating to find my wife and daughter have eaten and are watching a film, gone to bed or about to, the last few nights I have eaten on my own watched a little TV with one or the and gone to bed.   Over the weekend they will be out (with our Church) on Friday evening, all day Saturday and Sunday morning.   So it doesn't look like I'll be seeing much of them over the weekend either.

Originally neither my wife or I was going to attend this weekend event, I had already committed to work on Saturday and perform on Sunday, she didn't want to spend the weekend working, but as my daughter fancied it my wife will go along with her.   This means

1. I can play the concert I have been asked to do on Saturday night
2. I can take my time getting ready for Sunday
3. I can leave home for my afternoon rehearsal with LGSO as Paula
4. I will not be seeing much of either of them for the next three days
5. I will be eating all my meals alone except Sunday lunch (at Carluccio's after rehearsal)

Some I am looking forward to some I am not, a pretty fair reflection of life at the moment.

More on shoes

I think I have a pair of these somewhere

 

 

Maybe I need a friend like Boyd

BANG!

Sometimes life can be a bitch! As a couple we have been going through a lot of problems over the last year or so, I thought we were getting through it, recently my wife has been very "frosty" giving me the silent treatment and breaking some of our agreements.   Yesterday she dropped the bombshell she wants to separate.   I don't.   I am still committed to our marriage, clearly she is not.   I don't know how this will work out, and I can't see how it can, either way.   I'm not sure that we can live together apart, and I know we cannot afford two homes, add to that I am working so hard I'm too tired to think creatively, at least our daughter seems fairly happy at the moment and pretty cool with the whole thing.

In as much as I can have a plan I intend to concentrate on making sure that our daughter feels loved and assure her that she has a stable and loving father who will continue "to be there for her".   I just hope that our counsellor will be of some help.

Bizarrely my horoscope this morning

Virgo (August 23-September 22): You know the crazy head-trips you go on when get involved with someone who doesn’t really excite you. Somehow, you think you owe it to yourself––or them––to keep trying, but sometimes the best move is to get away as fast as you can. Sure, be thorough, but not masochistic. If you’re not feeling it now, don’t force yourself.

I don't normally go in for this sort of thing but had a look this morning after seeing Cyrsti's post.

How to get a bikini body

Whenever I am surfing around the Internet I keep my eyes open for pictures that make me think "I could use that" sometimes they are to illustrate a post, sometimes they inspire one, this is one of those times.

There are special diets, often promoting special diet foods, special exercises all too try to make you different to how you are made, .   We also read a lot about what we aught to wear, what will make our waists look thinner, or higher, what will make us look slimmer taller shorter etc. etc.  I have on occasion written some of this stuff myself, what to wear to blend, what to wear to be age appropriate.   To those of us who are very image aware this may be helpful, but to many I think it may easily sound dictatorial and even oppressive, and actually manage to just make you feel bad about yourself

On Sunday evening I had a rehearsal, I spent quite a while trying to decide what I would wear, on those odd occasions I do have to dress I want to express my femininity, but I do not want to stand out as the OTT Crossdresser.   I know that there is a fair chance that if I wear a dress I will be the only one who does.   Most women my age now wear jeans as their prime item of casual wear, so I also wore jeans with a grey cotton knit polo neck and a pair of high heel black boots (it wasn't very warm that evening) I have to say I felt great, looked good, but more to the point was comfortable and quite feminine in my presentation.   I also found I had a conversations with one or two people I had not spoken to before who were quite relaxed with me, I wonder if dressing down a bit also made others more comfortable.

Rings

I always wear my wedding ring, the only times I have taken it off since we got married was when I used to regularly play Rugby.   As intended it is a constant reminder and sign of our wedding vows, a signal to others and a reminder to self.   Along with a watch as "him" it is often the only piece of jewellery that I wear, as Paula I still wear it, but with more.

I like to wear at least one other ring, an "engagement" ring under the wedding ring, but the one I have been wearing is fairly cheap costume jewellery and the gold finish is beginning to wear off.   I have one or two much more dramatic sparklers for when I am glamed up, but it does seem to be quite difficult to find something that looks nice and won't turn my finger green.

It would be nice to buy a proper decent ring from a proper jeweller, but there is no way my budget will allow for such things, the cheap stores, Matalan, Primark etc. don't have anything appropriate so I must just keep my eyes open and grab the opportunity should it present itself.

Another Disappointment

"My faith is very important to me" when ever I hear this sort of thing I tend to think that the speaker has it all wrong, faith shouldn't be important to you, it should be central to who you are.   My Church is something I do, a group I am a member of and activities I undertake, my Church is very important to me.   A bit like when Bill Shankley was asked how important Football was he replied that" some people think it is matter of life or death, they're wrong, it's more important than that".    So my faith is central too who and what I am, it dictates my attitudes and my behaviour, my Church is very important because it is part of the where and how I express my faith.

I say all this by way of preamble to explain why I was so disappointed yesterday to hear a talk from the pulpit of my Church that I just could not agree with.   While it was meant to be on the subject of wisdom taking James 3 as the text, it ended up as being a poorly put together attack on rationality.   I am used to hearing members of the Church voice homophobic views and embracing creationism, however to hear it from front apparently as the sanctioned view of the Church was more than disappointing.    I like to think of myself as a tolerant person but this has pushed me over the edge, I have done something I hoped I would never feel the need to do, I have written to the Rector complaining.   I have tried not sound like Mr Angry from Tunbridge, rather I am encouraging him to be more cautious about who is allowed to speak and to monitor what is said.

I know this is not really quite the sort of thing many of you may come here to read, but this is about the whole of me, all of me, I am not just a trans woman, I am a Husband, a Father, a Son, a Musician, a Gardener, a Friend, a Christian, I just sometimes need to allow the woman in me to express herself physically.

Weeds, hair and bones

I have been just a little surprised how little reaction my hair has had since Wednesday, I have actually only had two comments one from my daughter who asked if I had had something done, and one from my wife who said it made me look like my Mother.   I have been too a band rehearsal, met a few friends and been about my normal work and no one else has said a thing, I must admit I did expect some reaction.

Later today I shall be up in town for the last rehearsal before next week's LGSO concert. I am really looking forward to the concert, but do not feel anywhere near ready for it, somehow I do need to fit in some tie to do some practise.   This is a constant problem for nearly all amateur musicians, especially those of us who play rather anti social instruments.   It seems that when I have the time someone else will be trying too sleep or watch the TV and wants a bit of quite.   This week it may be particularly challenging as at the moment I have scheduled nine and half to ten days work for the business but I only have nine days available.   With a meeting on Tuesday evening, and a band rehearsal on Wednesday even the evenings are looking pretty full.   This may be a case of just how much do I want to do it?

In amongst all my regular maintenance work I have been working on a little landscaping project that I plan t have completed this week, I reckon that I probably need a couple of days to have it all finished, I have a circle of paving to lay, the concrete edging to fix and then gravel to put down over the rest. the last photo shows the area for the gravel and paving covered with landscaping fabric, the idea is that this is meant to stop weeds rowing up through it, in practise I find that weeds will often germinate in the gravel and then put roots down into the soil through the fabric from above.   Still it does help and it keeps the soil separated from the gravel which helps keep things a bit tidier.

Concert

After the high of Wednesday, Thursday was a bit of reality check, a timely reminder that life is not all "beer and skittles".   While there was nothing wrong with the day, I got a fair amount of work done, caught up on some admin, and spent a pleasant evening with my daughter watching "The Hulk" on DVD, all in al a very good day, but after the high of Wednesday it did seem a little flat, and I found it hard to make myself get going.

I have often observed that I need to have something to look forward to, well on Sunday week I have the upcoming LGSO concert, this forms the a nice end to the London Pride weekend.   A good program an interesting venue and decent orchestra, what more do you want? Don't be shy you can buy tickets on line or on the door.   My only problem what will I wear, I have four black dresses to choose between, one is a maxi length and two are quite short, three rather slinky one lined, so maybe I will consider the weather before making a final decision.

Me and Beckham

I forgot to mention one little incident yesterday, as I was paying for my haircut there was a rather unattractive man lounging around outside the shop without a shirt, Nicky observed that is the sort of thing they have to put up with, why is it never David Beckham outside with his shirt off?

 After the hairdressers and the bank, and a quick trawl through the Charity Shops I decided to have a coffee and get on with some work I had brought with me.   One of the joys of a lap top is that I can do this take the work with me and sit in comfort somewhere enjoying a coffee and actually be working.   Rather than go to any of the local coffee shops I went to the very posh and rather illustrious Selsdon Park Hotel, sat in a corner of a lounge with my laptop enjoying a coffee and a view over the parkland.   This Hotel has quite a well-known golf course and often plays host to teams playing in big matches at Wembley, and Twickenham certainly the real David Beckham has stayed there quite a few times.   All the staff were very friendly and helpful, the coffee was good and cost no more than at a Costa or Starbucks.   In all honesty I think that the way I was dressed I must have fitted right in, if they had seen my van it may have been a different matter.

Not wanting to overstay my welcome I moved on, dropped a couple of things off at a friend’s house and found myself in Croydon, rather than go into the town centre and risk spending more money and wasting more time I popped into another hotel, the Hilton, and again enjoyed a cup of coffee while doing a little work.   It now seems to me that I am wasting my presence on the ordinary coffee shops I plan to make much more use of swanky hotels, they are more than happy to jus serve a cup of coffee or tea and offer a much more pleasant environment at no more cost.

While I was at the first Hotel I had a fiddle around with my laptop and got the webcam working for the first time, the photos of me on yesterday’s and today’s posts were taken on it.   All in all a very good day, but I always get the feeling of anti-climax and regret when I have to get changed and go home.

Perminent?

Well I've had quite a day one way and another, I managed to squeeze a couple of firsts in as well.   As I said earlier I had been looking forward to having my hair done, partly because it was getting a bit shaggy, partly because this has now become a Paula activity, partly because it means a little time off and partly because for the first time ever I was going to have a perm.   Not a tight curly perm just a nice relaxed one that will give a bit of bounce and body to my hair, at least that was the plan.

When I wanted to get ready to leave I found that both my wife and daughter were staying at home for the day, this rather disrupted my plans, but not too much, it just meant that I would have to slip on my dress and makeup on the way, not ideal but I am used to this.   As it looked like being a nice day I wore one of my cotton summer dresses, a very nice pastel green one that because of the lousy weather  I've not worn for over a year, it was nice to get it out and remember why I like it so much.

It took quite a while to do my hair, all those rollers and the smelly stuff “cooking away” under a shower cap, I was just relieved that I didn't have to sit underneath one of those hood dryers!   As is the way with hair dressers we chatted away about this and that, and of course the weather, as I was leaving she mentioned that the sun had now come out, and complimented me on my dress, I said something like yes it’s nice to have a chance to wear it and enjoy the sun, and she said “Yes sometimes it’s good to be a woman isn't it” I could only smile stupidly and agree.

After that I had a couple of chores to run, including a visit to my Building Society, this is where I have my current account, and I went in to ask if I could have an additional card in another name.   Obviously I want one in Paula’s name, I saw one of the staff I often see who always makes a point of checking my nails and how I’m dressed and will always find a compliment.   Although she always has a smile for me she has obviously not checked my card too carefully before, as when I asked about having another she said that wasn't possible, but went on to say that they should change the name on the card anyway as it was clearly wrong.   I had to explain that I still use both names, I think this was the first time she realised that I am not full time, or transitioning.   A bit stunned she said something along the lines of “But you always look so nice, your hair and nails, and always a lovey dress” Although disappointed about the card this did rather make up for it!

Shoes

I know, I know, one of my favourite topics I have written lots about shoes, I have put up lots of photos of shoes, but then they are important to me, and I know I am not alone.

I know actors will often say that the key to finding a character is in the shoes, I find that having the right shoes for the job helps put me in the right frame of mind, whether it is steel toe capped work boots, black oxfords with a suit, or high heel sling backs with a LBD for a night out!   The other day as I was driving between jobs I caught a bit of a show on BBC Radio 4 all about shoes.


Foot Notes is a program put together by shoe enthusiast and collector Rowan Pelling who takes us on a journey through her personal shoe collection to tell us the extraordinary story that lies behind footwear.

It will be no surprise to an of us that she discovers that, far from being simple functional objects that we put on our feet, shoes can communicate our sexual desire, aesthetic sense, social status and personality. They not only reflect social history and changing fashions, but are also a personal record of our lives - a touchstone that evokes a time, a place and an emotion.

In language and throughout literature, they can be magical as in The Red Shoes, transform lives as in Cinderella, and used as punishment in the Twelve Dancing Princesses (maybe that's where it started for me at the age of 11 I played the part of the King in a school musical production of this story, it was also the first occasion I wore tights!).

Shoes have been made from jewels, can cost thousands and are often bought in the wrong size - just because we love them.

Fancy shoes, comfy shoes, old shoes, new shoes - they can change an attitude and define a generation and mean something different to us all.   This is an interesting and fun program, follow the link and listen.

Just a quicky

As I have said all too often life is busy, but I just wanted to say that tomorrow I will have a little Paula time as I have my hair done.   This is an appointment I made a month ago, otherwise I would probably just be working again, but I could really do with a bit of a relax, and a little time with Paula, so I'm glad I made the appointment.

We need something to look forward to, and I am looking forward to having my hair done, I just wonder if I was wise to agree to having it permed?

Banger List

This is a bit like the Bucket list, but rather than activities to do the list is of cars I want to have.   This is not just cars I could quite fancy but those that I have a real yearning for, cars that I wanted when I first saw them advertised on the back cover of my Father's Sunday Telegraph magazine.   I remember seeing the first Mercedes Benz estate advertised there and thinking, Wow at last a decent car that will take a tuba in the back.   40 years later when I got my first 200T I was not disappointed.

The latest thing in 1980

I also remember the launch of the Renault 20 / 30 as far as I can remember this was the first "executive" class hatchback, it was modern, sleek and very clever.   From personal experience I can also say that it drove like a dream and was pretty quick as well as very comfortable.   The Ford Granada Coupe was as dramatic and as fast as it looked, but totally impractical, the Opel/Vauxhall Senator was comfortable, quick, good looking and prone to rust.   The Humber Sceptre stylish, smooth and very well furnished, but again not very practical for a tuba player.

I loved my Imps and Jade my mark IV Singer Vogue will always have a special place in my heart.
the Jenson Interceptor was awesome (when I could afford to put petrol in it) and the XJ12 smooth powerful and complicated.


So are there any special cars on my banger list? just a few, as an official Rootes nut I have yet to have a Sunbeam, I have had Singers, Hillmans and a couple of Humbers, at least one each of a dodge and a Commer but no Sunbeam.   I know that the fast back Rapier will take a small tuba in the boot so I could just about justify one of those, the other two cars currently on the list are the original Audi A8 and the Jenson Healey.   I was at the Motor show when the Jenson Healey was launched and fell in love with it on the spot, however as it is totally impractical I will need to make an awful lot ore money than I am at the moment before I can afford that sort of toy.

Americans

I'm not usually a great one for special days to commemorate events or to celebrate specific people.   A case in point is the recent Veterans day in the US.   I found some of the comments made by some of my American friends on a forum rather offensive, when I mentioned this I became subject to a diatribe of invective, most of it inaccurate and extremely insulting to anyone who is not a citizen of the USA.   I am very careful not to refer to them as American as that would be to slight Canadians and Mexicans a simple fact overlooked by the majority of people from the USA.   The USA is not America, America is a continent not a country.

 

Likewise I have upset a few people by wondering about the motivation of our Government here in the UK in arranging lots of events and spending lots of money on commemorating the centenary of the start of the First world War.   I wonder how much of this is about celebrating our armed forces to disguise the fact that we are reducing our expenditure on those self same armed forces.   We are failing to live up to our side of the forces covenant while promoting charities that will fulfil our commitments for us.   It feels cynical to spend millions celebrating the centenary of the start of this war when we are no longer able to engage in even a small war.   It feels wrong to celebrate beating the Germans (because that's what it is really about) when so many (within the government as well as without) are pressing to withdraw from the EU.

 

The EU, the EEC before it and the Common Market before that have been all about co-operation in Europe, if we are commercially interdependent then we will not go to war with each other, and it seems to have worked for the last 60 years so there must be something in it.   Still, whatever I think and what ever the effect it may have on our European partners we will be celebrating 100 years since the start of the first world war, and out of interest to my American readers we will be doing that in 2014 not 2017

 

Anyway some of this is just a preamble to explain a new page I have put up in response to some exchanges on a forum I have been part of.   Over the last week or so I have been checking to see if there had been any apologies made, but no the insults have been left to lie, so I will now be posting a copy of my new page on the forum, and keeping a copy of it here on Paula's Place.   It is a great shame but in the modern parlance "it is what it is"   I am sorry that this little spat has fallen over on to Paula's place, but on the simple basis that I have control here I will be posting it here to make sure that my feelings are clear to anyone who is interested, and cannot be removed or altered without my permission.

 

One day I am happy to celebrate is Fathers day, which is of course today, I am happy because I got a great card and a great present from my daughter.   A pot of Patnum Pepnum "Gentleman's Relish" anchovy paste may not be every one's idea of a great present, but I will enjoy it greatly, and I know my daughter thought about it carefully and realised that this is something I will enjoy, that's what a present should be

 

 

Please pray

I am just off to the builders merchant to buy materials for todays work, I will be doing something I have never done before, I will be putting a new roof on and extension, it is a flat roof and is just like a shed roof, in that it is timber covered with felt, but still it is a bit different to what I have done before.

My customer is a lady of mature years who is a bit nervous of tradesmen so wanted someone she knows to do the job, so that's me.   Apart from actually doing the job, I am a little worried about the weather, please, please don't rain!

Women!

On the lack of posts I refer you to some f my recent quick attempts at keeping up to date.   The frantic pace of life goes on, with a heavy work load a full "social" calendar of rehearsals, Church group meetings and on Saturday night a Party.

At the party I will be acting as sound man, I am rather happy about that as it gets me out of having to be cheerful when I really don't feel it, and I can avoid fancy dress.   This may sound silly but I don't like fancy dress much, it sacks of trying too hard.   Maybe I have just not had the right costume but as the theme is the 1960's I a short of ideas of what I could do (in the presence of my wife), so I will simply be the sound man dressed in black hiding at the back behind the desk.

It may be all the busyness but I am feeling a bit down at the moment, my daughter is fully occupied by exams and has little or no time for me, I suspect my wife is still giving me the cold shoulder, (she can be so taciturn at times it is hard to know if I am getting the sile treatment or if she is just not talking) and my Mother is still in Hospital and very confused, so just at the moment I struggle too be cheerful.

No time Toulouse

The rather frantic pace of my life continues with heavy work commitments as well as far too much on the social / leisure side.   This all means that I have little time for either considered posts or dressing, or indeed even thinking much about dressing.   So I thought to day would just share a few images I have collected recently but haven't used yet as the context hasn't been right.



I saw this a while back when I was searching for something else and immediately thought f my friend Karin, if anyone deserves a tea set like this it is her.

The other two I think speak pretty much for themselv

A night at the Pub.

I would like to write a full report on last night's meeting, a report with lots of pictures so you can see what we all look like.   I would like to, but I'm sorry for one thing I am short on time again today and for another I totally failed to get any pictures at all.

It will have  be sufficient say that it was good to meet up with old friends, and to meet a "new girl" who came to her first meeting.   Meeting in a pub we are a pretty social group and tend to chat amongst ourselves rather than have any sort of formal agenda or structured meeting.   Somehow we still seem to get things done, our last big event was the IDAHO thing in Croydon Town centre, but over the next few months we have a special private late night opening of one of the local charity shops, and a make up evening.   So we have a bit of fun, a bit of campaigning and quite a lot of mutual support.   I think that the main thing for a lot of the girls is just to have an opportunity to go out dressed without fear.

When ever I write up a report on something I have done I always think to myself "Next time I must get some photos" but then I will forget to take a camera so I can't use a tripod or delay, but I always have my phone, I just feel silly and self conscious asking someone else  take a photo, which when you thin about I how I would be dressed is really silly!   I know I keep saying this but I really must buck myself up.

Now I have to go and get myself ready for Church and then later I have a LGSO rehearsal.

I want to be a cat

Just for a change life is a bit hectic at the moment, I have more work than I can handle piled up, partly because of the weather and partly because I find it very difficult to turn work away.   I also have the situation with my Mother down in Cardiff, at least my daughter has almost finished her GCSE exams now.

I am so busy and so stressed that I am finding it difficult to prioritise and have found that I have been doing lots of work, and not collecting all the money owed, as I am also struggling with some debt issues this is just silly.   Added to all this yesterday I managed to leave my wallet at the nursery after buying some bedding plants so when it came to the end of the day I couldn't pay S who had been helping me.

What I need is a bit of a rest, even a weekend off would be good, but looking at my diary I see the next one of those I have is 27th/28th July   I think I want to be my cat, all he does is eat and sleep.

In Passing

Yesterday was the funeral of an old friend.   Harry was a very musician and one of the great flugal and trumpet players, When I first knew him over 30 years ago he was still getting a lot of work even though his style of music was going out of fashion.   More recently and especially since retiring he had been seeking solace more and more at the bottom of a glass.    Of course I was saddened by the passing of a friend and of a fine musician, but I was also saddened by the thought that many of the Brass Band players who had only known him over the last 10 years will not remember the virtuosity, style and sheer artistry of Harry in his pomp.

Later in the evening my Brother popped in to see me on his way back from Cardiff, he had found the glasses I left at Mum's and returned them, this was a relieve but on the other hand his report was not.   It now seems that Mum will not be discharged from Hospital till next week at the earliest.   She will need a lot of support to be able to live safely on her own and it seems that this is all in hand but will take tie to set up, personally I feel a bit impotent sitting here in London while everything is being done on the other side of the Country.

After my brother's visit I was so tired that I ended up asleep on the sofa and went to bed about ten.   Going to Cardiff at the weekend has taken it out of me, and this weekend looks like a busy one as well, with an RSCM event on Saturday, as well as a support group meeting, hen on Sunday I have a LGSO rehearsal.

So True

Today's Meaning of Lila

It may not be an Audi convertible that I lust after, but it sees there is so much that is just out f my financial grasp, and at the moment little hope of my situation getting any better in the foreseeable future. Ho hum said Poo.........................

Gone Fishing

Earlier I mentioned that I was wearing a pair of fishnet tights on Saturday evening, They would not have been my first choice, but given that all the other hosiery I took with me was at this point gently spinning in the washing machine, they were the least appropriate hosiery I had available.

I think every Girl should have at least one pair of fishnets in her wardrobe, that way she always has the choice not to wear them!  I have been known to wear fishnets under trousers so that the ankles and feet are showing but not the legs, this is a bit of a tease, suggesting what might be there but not showing.   Other wise I fear that the associations of fishnets with ladies of lose virtue is just to near the front of my mind to want to wear them out.   After all we do need to be careful about what signals our clothing gives to others, and I don't think that I want to be sending the signal that fishnets send to most men.

Earlier today I noticed a very well presented lady, in her middle years, very trim, nice smart black skirt suit with a red belt and a lovely pair or red high heeled pumps, as I got closer I realised that she was also wearing fishnets, it struck then and there how much nicer she would have looked with sheer, nearly black hose.   Somehow the fishnets gave what could and should have been a very stylish classy look an air of "posh tart".   Again maybe it is just me and that association I have but for me I don't want anyone to look at me and think what I thought today.

Will I ever wear it?

Over the weekend I tried a few looks including this LBD, this is the one that at least one of you thought was too short.   Teamed with fishnet tights and some pretty extreme heels I was inclined to agree.   I am now torn as to whether I should keep it - just in case I have an occasion to wear something this daring, or whether I should make the room in my wardrobe and pass it on to someone who could really rock it through a charity shop.

I do have a few things that I have found I don't wear, and don't think I will so I am now making up a parcel which I will take later this week, I just need to decide about this dress, I really like it, but would I wear it?

 

Yesterday on my way to drop off my friend B after work I stopped at the bank to get some cash, when I got back to the van and started her up, the oil light stayed on.   I was surprised since it's only a couple of months since we changed the oil and gave her a service, now I know about these things, I don't want to drive a vehicle with a potential lack of oil pressure, so I stopped the engine, we checked the oil level, checked the connections on the sensor and everything else we could check.   Got back in and started the engine again, the light still stayed on, I revved the engine a little to build pressure, the light stayed on.   In the eighteen months I've had this van it's the first time this has happened, the light is a little yellow oil can and a spanner.

Thinking about it we wondered if it might be a service light, so we drove gently back to B's house and checked on the good old interweb, yes it's a service light, and it can easily be reset.   That was a big relieve, it's bad enough that I have to tax and insure it this month, if I had to have engine work done as well it could just about finish me off.

Small pleasures,~ notes from a Welsh Garden

My notes from Sunday morning

Sunday morning and I have the small joy of waking up with my nail polish still on, I will have to clean it off before I go to the hospital to visit Mum since it is such a bright red, I may be able to get away with a pale pink or pearl, but not red.   It seems silly that joy can come from such silly small things when we all know full well that femininity is not based of clothing, but something much deeper within, make up, clothes and all the rest of it are simply the current fashionable outward expressions of femininity, but sometimes they are all we have. 
 

There has been much discussion recently on a forum I am member of concerning the tricky problem of the farmers tan.   For me this is a serious problem, because I spend so much time outdoors  I will always end up with tan lines matching my clothes.   For me that is work clothes of cotton trouser and polo shirts, so pale and pastey  chest, legs, shoulders and upper arms and dark well-tanned fore arms to around two inches above the elbow.

Even though the weather has been pretty rotten so far this year I am already displaying the worst signs of the dreaded tan, my plan to counteract this is to every now and then strip down to much less coverage.   Saturday I spent some time in the garden wearing a pair of daisy dukes and a camisole top with spaghetti straps, I hope that if it is warm enough today (Sunday) to do the same.

As it happens Sunday was no as hot as Saturday so the sun did not beat quite as strongly on y bare shoulders, but then in the afternoon I did spend a little time sitting in the garden catching up on some admin work on the laptop, by then I had changed into a sleeveless summer dress, so still managed a bit of sun.

The pictures are just a few I took in Mum's garden, she has some lovely plants and a really strong design, it's just all got a little out of control

Pretty as a Picture

There should have been a couple of pictures with this mornings post, illustrating my ludicrous collections of nail polishes, this is another illustration of my weakness for buying "girlie" things.   I suspect that in some way my subconscious feels that buying something is the next best thing to being able to use / wear it.   That way I end up with far too many shoe, bras, nail polishes etc. etc. than I could ever need, if indeed I could be said to need any at all.

Fire Engine Red

This is the next post I prepared while away

On Saturday night I talked about being dressed up to the nines, for me this included nail polish. Regular readers will know about my love of polished nails.   Even when my nails are a little shorter than I would like nicely coloured nails are for me the epitome of femininity.    So on Saturday evening I was sat down with a bottle of nail polish and twenty bare nails.   It was only after I had painted all twenty that it struck me that the colour I had selected from my (far too large) collection was to all intents and purposes the same as the colour my Mother used to use on the rare occasions she dressed up.

When I was small it seemed to me that my Mother was a figure of absolute elegance and just a touch of glamour.   Certainly she had some very nice designer (or as they were known then “Model”) clothes.   Compared to these days both ladies and gentlemen had a lot less clothes, but very often what they did have was of better quality.   I remember Mum had one particularly nice grey woollen dress and coat suit that was of the first quality and wearing it she looked a million dollars.   On special occasions Mum would wear nail polish, and it was always that bright crimson colour so ingrained on my mind, I never remember her wearing any other colour!   I currently have something like nine or ten different colours.

Why do I remember this colour so vividly, was I even then wed to nail polish, no it is because it was Mum’s nail polish we used to re-paint our matchbox fire engines!

 

The scarlet colour had to be removed before I went in to see Mum early afternoon on Sunday, however I decided to push my luck and replaced it with a pearl polish, I also wore a mauve shirt blouse and some white high waisted baggy white linen trousers, along with some open toe low heel pumps which showed my bright red toe nails.   I knew that Mum would not notice anything amiss, but it was quite fun watching others having an internal debate as they noted my presentation.   I find that I have been increasingly pushing the boundaries, but effectively this was full femme apart from makeup and boobs.   I wonder what would happen (probably nothing) if I wore one of my favourite dresses but no make up, who would notice? who would care?

Just as well I was staying In

Panic Not, I've been away for the weekend staying at my Mother's.   Following a fall she is recovering in Hospital again, this time I trust that a proper support program will be put in place before she is discharged.   This has meant that while I have had a little more time and privacy than usual to dress, I have also been cut off from the Interweb!   Mum does not handle technology well, given that a steam iron is too complicated, and the TV only get turned on when my brother or I am there and want to watch some sport, the possibility of her ever having internet access is simply not on.

While there I did draft a couple of  posts so this where I start catching up.

Saturday night, and I’m all dressed up and nowhere to go.   I’m spending the weekend in Cardiff visiting Mum, but she is in hospital so I actually only get to see her for a couple of hours over the whole weekend.   Mum’s had  a couple of falls over the last week or so and she is in hospital until she is OK to come home, and hopefully they have worked out why she has had the falls.   This afternoon she was very confused and, although she seemed ok physically her mind was definitely not quite with the rest of us.   This evening she was much better after a rest, but I still think that she will now need to have some visiting support as an absolute minimum.

Given that Mum is now over 90 none of this is particularly surprising but none the less a concern for my brothers and me.

Because Mum is not at home it does mean that all evening I have the house to myself.    I took the opportunity to dress for dinner, my first thought was to go for a slightly risky cocktail look.   I suspect I actually ended up with something rather trashy, or tarty, with a dress far too short and heels a little high, along with, horror of horrors, fishnet tights.   On balance this is not a look I plan to take outside but none the less fun for an evening on my own.   But there’s the rub, “on my own” somehow it now feels silly and a little pointless glamming up and then just staying at home on my own.

There was a time, and not so long ago at that, when I was happy just to have a chance to try on a few female garments, now I get all dressed up and morn the fact that I am on my own and not showing off to others.   Am I some sort of exhibitionist or this just a natural inclination to society and a normal desire to “strut my stuff”   Whatever it is I am sitting here after a half decent dinner with a very acceptable Pinot Grigio dressed up to the nines but feeling slightly, yes only slightly sad about being on my own.