I'm Leaking

I'm growing impatient; I find that I am growing increasingly uncomfortable in my male self not only do I take every opportunity to be feminine but I find that my femininity is leaking through into my male self.   I have now been sporting ear studs for some time, I also taken to wearing a chain, a fem watch and a couple of rings.   I now rarely bother to remove my nail polish until I have to.

I think I have now come to accept the inevitability of my transition, I am not aware of having made a positive decision at any point where I have said "Yes I am going to transition" rather it has been a serious of small decisions that have led me to this point.   I don't think I can continue in this way, I have been warned that it could be many, many months before I hear anything from the GID Clinic, so I may have to start taking some actions on my own.

Due to the nature of my work I do want to be able to go out without makeup, so I do want to be a lot further along the line with my electrolouis as facial hair is not necessarily a good look.

I am checking out websites on how to change my name, what I can have on a new passport or drivers license without legally transitioning.

But right now I am pondering the question about my surname.    Many years ago now, when I first started to come out I adopted the name Paula Gee, I choose this because Paula is my name, Gee was available for an e-mail address.   Now Gee is not my given surname, it was the name of a friend who is sadly no longer with us, and although I have used it I feel reluctant to abandon my father's name.   Somehow not using my birth surname seems to devalue what my parents have done for me, it would be dishonoring my family, yet I have become known in some circles by the name Gee, I guess I will just have to explain to them that I am changing my name and leave it at that.   More critical would be how those who know me as Paul will get used to Paula.