Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Saturday, 10 March 2018

There's always one!

This is shaping up to be a very busy few days, giving that I was not expecting to be rehearsing with the WOW Orchestra today, or playing tomorrow, I was quite happy to commit myself to stuff yesterday and Monday, Now that doesn't look quite so wise.

Yesterday afternoon was a friend's funeral, these things are never fun, but as a Christian for me they tend to be more of a celebration of a life rather than morning the loss.    My friend had a strong faith and I know he was ready, so although we will all miss him, we morn for our loss, not for his death. ~ Anyway that is not what I want to write about here and now, the thing that made it "interesting" is that it was at the Church I used to attend, led by the Minister who excludes me from activities there.   I try not to go there, there are so many memories, and so much hurt.  So I haven't been in that building for roughly a year, indeed not since this friend's wife's funeral last March.

Of course I met a lot of old friends, many people I have more or less lost contact with who were once a big part of my life, others who have made the effort to stay in touch, and offer me help, support and love through my transition.  My old vicar was there, I think I may have slightly confused him, but we had a good chat, I talked him through where I am and what's going on, after that we parted again on very good terms, knowing we had each others blessing.   The current Vicar, who has been less than inclusive, made a point of being friendly, indeed it was day when my friend and god should be the centers of attention not me, a day for remembering and sharing love. I had intended leaving straight after the ceremony, but as I was engaged in conversation I did stay fro a cup of tea and a sandwich.

Almost at the last moment one person, one I had deliberately not engaged with, made the point of coming over to me more or less forcing himself upon the conversation I was part of, thrusting his hand at me to shake, and dead named me.   Now for many there it is still new to them, they are not used to using my current name and may from time to time slip, that I understand, but this! this was a deliberate insult. Intentional undermining, sending a message that he did not value my personal integrity or my ability to understand myself or agree that I should have the right to make the choices I have made. This is the man who has whispered poison in the ears of friends, indeed the only man who has made a policy of attacking my transition.   He did all of this in a Church dedicated to spreading love, at an event remembering a friend who believed in the universal love of our God, and lived that love.

This morning I am trying to think of all the friends who have accepted and supported me, of all those wonderful Christians who may not understand, but have chosen to show love and compassion ~ not the one who has set himself the task of undermining all of that.
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